Why Suicide?

Many veterans struggle after service—not because they’re weak, but because they were NEVER TRAINED TO BE CIVILIANS!

We were trained for survival, mission focus, and pushing through anything. “Suck it up and drive on” kept us alive—but it doesn’t always translate back home.

We look like THIS in the civilian world:

  • Chronic sleep issues
    • Can't fall asleep, can't stay asleep.
    • Hears ringing, need background noise to drowned it out (aka Tinnitus).
    • Continuously hearing noises at night that WE THINK requires a physical armed response.
    • Average total sleep for a night is rarely over 5 hours.
    • Waking up to piss, our minds starts trying to solve problems before we can lay back down. Now we're awake for 2 hours afterward.
  • Depression and loss of motivation
    • Everyday is a war inside my head and I'm tired.
    • I literally have nothing left in life to look forward to, just more suffering.
    • What's the point anyway?
  • Difficulty concentrating
    • Can't stay focused long enough to complete anything
    • Too many racing thoughts.
    • Always on edge!
  • Exaggerated startle response
    • Muscle memory reacts before the brain can process the what the noise was
    • By default the noise was a threat (rifle fire, IED, mortar, etc.)!
    • This is usually followed by stares and odd looks from witnesses. Which makes us NOT want to be around people even more.
  • Obsessive security rituals (aka Hyper-vigilance)
    • Security cameras with audio sensors or at a minimum have dogs to alert us
    • Guns locked & loaded and within reach (always and everywhere).
    • Must sit facing avenues of approach, backs against the wall. If we are forced to sit in the open, we squirm with our heads on a swivel.
    • Clearing the house (CQB) when we come home. The house isn't save until every room has been checked.
    • Don't like being anywhere with lot's people. Too many threats to track simultaneously.
    • Avoid places without multiple rapid egress points.
  • Survivor’s guilt
    • I wish I would've died instead of them. Lucky Bastards!
    • Why was I allowed to live?
    • It was my fault they died.
  • Intrusive thoughts (aka Sudden Horrible Thoughts)
    • Constantly, even when you're talking to me.
    • Simply walking out of a store behind a young woman and toddler. In seconds, I'm envisioning the toddler running out in front of a car, getting hit and dragged 50 feet and what the blood trail will look like. Already planning my response to something that most like won't happen.
    • We can't hold a baby or witness someone else doing it, without visioned the baby being dropped.
    • It seems everything good in the world will get ruined in our heads by thoughts of the worst possible outcome happening.
  • Nightmares & Flashbacks
    • We often wake up in full panic mode after being engaged in some life threatening situation
    • Blood everywhere, severed limbs,
    • Can't escape the closing threat
    • Can't load the weapon, the weapon is broken
    • If we do manage to engage the threat, the rounds or blades impact their body, but it has NO affect. The threat continues to close distance, we are going to die.
    • Sleep medications like Melatonin INTENSIFY this nightmare because you can't wake up as easy.
  • Can't communicate clearly (aka Rabbit hole conversations)
    • We start about a story or topic that goes in so many directions that it's impossible to follow and usually ends in "Why am I telling you this?" or "What were we talking about?"
    • This is a direct result of not being able to think clearly because the mind is constantly racing.
  • Un-Proportional Responses (aka Impaired impulse control with unprovoked periods of violence)
    • A misinterpreted question about groceries leads to a fight response!
    • Tripping over something on the way to the bathroom, leads to broken furniture and a new fist hole in the wall.
    • Road Rage! We don't own this one! But mentally, we're not just thinking about stopping the offender and punching them in the face. We're talking ourselves through the EXECUTION section of the OPERATIONS ORDER in a combined arms warfare mission in which we scorch the earth and paint it red.
    • If you tell us to "calm down," we will explode with rage and quickly escalate the fight that didn't need to exist.
  • Isolation
    • All of the above force us to abandon people, so we can control our environment
    • Instead of reaching out, many of us default to what we were taught — stay quiet, carry the weight, and keep moving.
How Does OV Reduce Suicide?